Greengrocers and the apostrophe

 

GREENGROCERS AND THE APOSTROPHE

To stop us looking down our noses

at greengrocers, the man proposes

to phase out the apostrophe,

so cuke's and strawberry's will be

no worse than Kings Cross, Potters Bar,

Harrods or Boots. The answer's Ah,

they would. Metric correctness may

deserve to be the light of day;

the niggling point whose rules confuse

by more case law at every use

unclear contraction and possession

may well be ripe for supersession;

apostrophe-free writing might

by twenty years of school be right.

Correct non-users would therefore

look down their noses all the more.

As for greengrocers, they'd maintain

stubbornly their right to remain

writing their way, and stand their ground

to their last tittle-jot and pound.

I appear to have written this poem in the spring of 2001, probably in response to a Guardian article advocating as summarised in the first few lines. I published it over a succession of tweets in December 2019. I occasionally feel the urge to throw it into some online discussion or other, so it might as well be made available here.